The First Blog

Well, not sure how to start. Feels like a 'dear diary' moment.

I'm not sure where to begin. I could do a 'brief' recap of my life, but it would take too long and probably be utterly boring! I could do a recap of my short life in London, but also (not so) long and boring. So maybe my life as it is now...

I start my new job on Monday - I work in the arts. I had spent my working life down here (1 1/2 years) working for arseholes and wondered what I did to deserve it? I spent most of my time in misery wondering why my life has been entwined with these people. Seriously, they were total arseholes! Anyway, it's not worth going into. My life with them is over now and I don't have to think about them anymore. I can concentrate on my new career, which I'm really excited about. I can't wait. I mentioned my new company to an aquaintance in the arts before I got a job offer and she said 'if you get in with them, you'll be made.' So I guess I've made it! So hopefully I won't fuck up!

So I've had a week off work and I've pretty much done nothing! I've been wasting away and felt a bit crap for it. It was nice to relax at first, but then it gets a bit boring doesn't it? I finally got myself together today and went shopping and spent loads of money I shouldn't have! But hey, at least I got out further than my local shop. I know I should've taken a trip or something, but funds are low for the first time since I've started working down here. After my little shopping trip out, I came home and stuck some stuff on Ebay which I'd been meaning to do for quite sometime. You will learn that I am quite the procrastinator. I eventually get things done, but I take my sweet time about it and probably annoy people in the process talking about it...

Like this blog for example. A friend inspired me to start this - many moons ago. I kept a diary through most of my teens up until the age of about 20. That was 5 years ago... I have collected many blank books that would make nice diaries, but never quite got round to starting it again. Ok, that's a lie, I tried last year when I was away travelling. I tried the recap method and found that there was too much and never even finished the recap!

My mind has been wondering a lot this week. Partly because I've spent most of it on my own as everyone else is at work. But also, it has been 9 years since the death of my dad. 9 years! I can't believe it. I knew the date was coming up, but I think for the first time on that day, I didn't wake up thinking about it. I didn't even realise the day until around lunch time when I saw the date on my laptop. I'm not quite sure how that makes me feel. I was never close to him at all. In fact, I bordered on hating him. But it's not something I want to get into too much right now. I'm sure I'll have some of those days where I will open up and spill all. In brief, a very difficult relationship. One that still confuses (not sure if this best describes it) me to this day. He was never around that much as he was working all the time, yet he has been a big presence in my life. But there were so many hurdles that we never got over, and I'm pretty sure if he was still around that the hurdles would still be there - language barrier, cultural differences, lack of any affection or emotion (except being pissed off and angry were pretty easy to show), these being the main problems. Anyway, I come across these moments of time in my life where I think about him quite a lot. It is said that I haven't dealt with his death yet, but I'm still wondering how you are supposed to deal with death? I'm one of these people who can be very up and down - too much of a thinker. But life has been pretty ok recently.

So aaaanyway... back to my week. I have 3 more days of freedom. I say I'm bored, but I'm sure I will want the time off again when I start work. I wish I could've done something more productive (I'm talking about it as if it's over!) But I know myself. The procrastinator.

Hmmm, first blog done! Not as difficult as I thought...